


you're so in love that you act insane

by awesomeaislin



Series: Carry On Countdown 2018 [24]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: A good ending, DEC 18 - Ways to say "I love you", I Love You, M/M, a fight, but a resolution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 13:56:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17044994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomeaislin/pseuds/awesomeaislin
Summary: Simon and Baz get into a fight, but that doesn't mean it's worth giving up."“Simon,” I whisper. And when he looks up there’s tears in his eyes, and I don’t know what to do. “Do you really think I don’t love you?”“You never say it.”And he’s right. I don’t. But I didn’t think I had to. I thought he knew."





	you're so in love that you act insane

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still sick and dying, but at least I did this a little bit early.

**BAZ**

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I scream at him. We’re screaming now. We always fight, but normally it dissolves into laughter and smiles before it gets this far. Snow is up in arms and I’m reluctant to lose. 

 

“Look, I’m saying I understand that I’m not good enough for you,” Simon yells. “I’m never going to be good enough for you. You don’t even like me anymore. Just go.”

 

He thinks I don’t love him anymore. Of course I love him. I’ve loved him most my life, and I’m not stopping just because he’s an annoying git. He’s always been an annoying git, but I knew that when I got into this. 

 

“Simon,” I whisper. And when he looks up there’s tears in his eyes, and I don’t know what to do. “Do you really think I don’t love you?”

 

“You never say it.”

 

And he’s right. I don’t. But I didn’t think I had to. I thought he knew. 

 

“Simon,” I just shake my head. “Of course I love you.”

 

“How am I meant to know that?”

 

It’s heartbreaking. 

**SIMON**

I’m being ridiculous. I know I’m being ridiculous. I know he cares. Or I think I know it does. But it’s hard to know with him. He’s cold at the best of times, and he’s mean, and those are things that I  _ like  _ about him, but it’s hard to know whether or not he loves you if he never says it. 

 

He looks upset. I’m pretty sure I look upset. But he takes my hand for a minute, and he closes his eyes and he stumbles over his words a little bit. He never stumbles over his words. I don’t like that I’ve done this. 

 

“Simon,” He tries again. “I love you, and I’ll be back tomorrow, ok?”

 

“You won’t stay?” I ask. Or maybe I’m begging. I like when he stays. He’s cold, and he stops me from overheating. He wakes me up when I have nightmares, and he holds me close even when I’m having a good night. 

 

“You want me to?” 

“Of course I want you to,” I tell him because I do. I always want him to. Even when we fight. 

 

“Ok,” He says, and I lead him into my bedroom, and I lie down next to him. He’s keeps staring at the lights. I think he’s trying not to cry. 

 

“I’m sorry,” I tell him. 

 

“Me too,” He mumbles. 

 

And we fall asleep like that. With the lights on. In our clothes. 

 

When I wake up in the morning, he isn’t beside me which I don’t understand. We fight because I don’t think he shows he loves me enough, and suddenly he’s not even there when I wake up. 

 

This feels like a betrayal, but then I hear movement in the kitchen, and I know it can’t be Penny because she fled pretty quickly after our fight broke out. (I understand. I wouldn’t want to be in the middle of that either.)   
  


So I reluctantly leave bed to find Baz covered in flour and wrestling with some kind of dough. I let out a tense laugh, and he looks at me and frowns. “You’re not supposed to be awake yet.”

 

“Why not?” I ask curiously. 

 

“Wanted to surprise you,” He mutters. 

 

“Well I’m certainly surprised,” I smile reassuringly. I know he gets in his head. I don’t want to discourage him from whatever this is.

 

“I thought...I well...I just,” He’s uncharacteristically messy with his words, and I feel bad that I’ve shaken him this much. 

 

“Hey,” I say, and I put my hands onto his flour covered face. (I really can’t imagine how he got flour there. He’s normally very neat, but maybe I’m rubbing off on him.) He looks like he’s going to cry again. “Darling,” I start. 

 

“I just wanted to do something nice,” He interrupts. He’s trying to look away from me but I hold him in place. “You’re right. I don’t show that I love you enough.”

 

“No, love,” I stop him because it was just a stupid fight. “Ok, yeah you don’t  _ say _ you love me alot, but you show it.” 

He bites his lip and frowns. 

“When you wake me up when I have a nightmare, and you don’t go to sleep until I feel ok again even though you don’t have to stay up,” I tell him. “Or when you bring me back a scone from the shop even though  _ I know  _ it isn’t actually on your way back. Or when you help me study for my tests, even though you make fun of me for getting it wrong, you always help, and you always stay until I get it.”

 

He’s crying now, but I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong. I think I’m actually doing it right. 

“Baz,” I smile even though I’m crying to. ( _ Watching other people cry makes me cry, yeah, ok whatever, laugh at me for having empathy.)  _ “I shouldn’t have said that last night. I was angry and upset, and I shouldn’t have said it, and I was wrong. I know you love me, and you have nothing to prove to me. I love you.”

 

“Simon,” Baz makes an attempt at smiling back at me, but the tears on his face kind of detract from it. “I’ll say it more. I promise.”

 

“Ok, darling,” I beam at him, and he presses a kiss to my cheek. 

 

“Do you want a scone?” He asks. “I mean they’re probably terrible, and they look a bit like rocks which is why I was making this second batch, but they aren’t done. And I just-”

 

“Yes, I would like a scone, thank you for making them.”

**BAZ** **  
** He’s too nice to me. He’s too nice to everyone, but he’s especially too nice to me. 

 

I’m not going to let him feel like I don’t love him. I’m not going to let him think that I don’t appreciate everything he does. I’m not going to stop doing nice things. ( _ I mean no. It doesn’t go with my whole image, but, fuck it. Image be damned. Simon deserves to be loved.) _

 

Because he needs it. Because I need it. Because I can. 

 


End file.
